Day 22

August 5, 2009

It’s an odd feeling to always be concerned with whether or not people are trying to take advantage of you. Never knew how much people look to America for opportunities and identity. I’m feeling weird. Stressed. Like its challenging to make friends or be overly nice to people without them asking something from me. It’s not everyone. Usually low-income people. I don’t like it. For example, you virtually can’t go anywhere without being concerned whether or not you have been given an exorbitant price. Or being nice to someone or they see that you are nice and they ask for money or talk about how they want you to take them to the US, or they want your phone number and call you incessantly. Again, it isn’t everyone, but it makes you want to stick to a few people as friends. It makes everyone a suspect. But sometimes it’s an issue of power which Ghanaians that have money and/or resources. In extreme ways its men who want to show they are not the Africans that Americans see on TV. Living with animals in mud-huts and scantily clad. They pick you up in their BMW and buy you things, take you out, etc. It’s as if they want you to know that they don’t want or need anything from you simply because you an American. They can take care of themselves. But this odd power struggle has happened on a smaller level with the cousin of my house mother. It one of those minor things that isn’t something you can go complain to someone about, because it’s a small passive-aggressive move but you know, you sense, that its wasn’t done or said to be nice. She’s done three things thus far. First, I went out dancing a few weekends ago with some volunteers. My house father is a pastor so a had somewhat of a “talking to” about how people may perceive me or the people who live in his house who go to the club. It was actually kinda cute. Meaning, I didn’t take offense and he was really nice about it, but I told him, in so many words that I don’t have any hang-ups about going on dancing as a Christian, so if he feels that I could hinder his reputation then made I should move. He reassured me that a move wouldn’t be necessary and they want me to stay. I’m assuming that my house mother told her cousin about what happened. (Again, not a big deal). Her husband asked me how my night was. I told him I had fun and I love Ghanaian music. The cousin asked me, “So how were you dancing?” I looked at her with an odd look. “Umm I don’t know, I was just dancing.” It was as if she wanted to know how much of a hethen I was. LOL. Its funny but disturbing. The second time was when I went to church with the family for the second time, but this time most of the sermon was in Fante, the local language. I understand very little Fante so it kinda felt like a waste of time. After church, she came and asked me how I liked church. I told I didn’t understand most of it but it looked like everyone enjoyed it. And she says, “Aww, poor you.” In some kind of funny/patronizing/condescending tone. I just shrugged m shoulders and looked away. Informing her through body language that I didn’t think it was funny. Now today I asked one of the house girls to cut a pineapple a bought for lunch. The girl brought the cut pineapple on a plate and had a chunk in a bag on the side. I wasn’t sure why she did it that way but I took the plate and reached for the bag.

The house girl then said, “That not for you.” She looked like she didn’t want to bearer of the inform.
I said, “Why, it’s my pineapple?” The cousin, who was sitting on the couch sat up and said, “I told her to cut me a piece.” My first feeling was “Excuse me?” But I didn’t say that.
I waited a second and said jokingly, “You are supposed to ask me for my pineapple.” She said, “Oh sorry.” But she really wasn’t.
I then said, “It is normal for people here to not ask people for their things?”
She said, “No. People normally ask.”
“So what would make people not ask other people for their things?”
“Maybe if the person wasn’t there to ask, the person took it and then told the person when they came back.”
“So people normally ask?”
“Yes. If you take from someone it isn’t nice and its stealing.”
“So, if they don’t ask is it seen as rude?”
“Yes, it can. But it doesn’t happen often. People ask.”
“In the US if you take something that isn’t yours from someone, Its rude.”
Her body language changed. “Oh ok.” She laid back down and didn’t say anything else. As if she realized that either she just stole from me or was rude to me not just by US standards but also by her own. All of this is so unnecessary.
LOL come to find out she has been doing that to my host family and they have been just sitting angry and not saying anything. Once my host mother found out that the woman did that to me, she told me everything and how she is so annoyed with her. I told her that I think it’s a power struggle she used to be over her (her school mother which is something like a personal dean of pledges, lol). The woman’s husband has also been taking money from the church and they killed their chickens. A mess. Anyway, my host mother got the courage to finally say something to her, and when they when to church, she asked the woman to hold the baby and she told her to put him the floor. How you gonna be mad at someone because you crazy? Again all of this is so unnecessary.